readmyspine

Wading through the sea of abandonment My arms are tangled in the curtain of beads These windows follow my ground The rusted hinges glow in the afternoon sun The waves crash at my vine-covered legs No more floating with champagne on surfboards Sand spirals up towards the grumbling sky Darkening clouds are ready to play

He was talking past me Every word I said meant nothing He wasn't hearing me I guess that's the way it should be Leaning across my ghost I was simply an obstacle He leant to my best friend I wasn't really there to him I wish I didn't exist Not when my lover rejects me I wish I didn't exist Not when I am just in the way I became footpath trash Forever at his feet alone He kicked his way through me Left me to be thrown in the bin His hands tossed in my face Gesturing for me to depart I was in the way now No longer a suitable side I wish I didn't exist Not when my lover rejects me I wish I didn't exist Not when I am jus

I guess you'll never know me You only know the attire No one see what's underneath The punishment I require My sheets can cover me Only my smile can be seen You must think you know me You think I am clean I can't stand the summer I feel exposed and bare I can't pull my sleeves down And give no reason to stare The beach is never warm No soft sand or playful waves I can no longer lie in my togs How normalcy I crave I was my father's bridesmaid We had special dresses done When the lining was being fitted The scars shone like the sun I can never be relaxed I have to always be on guard You don't really know me My heart that

dull drops trickle down the side of the mast, leaving a trail of anguish behind. no one must interrupt their journey, for they will only break more souls. the beads of deceptive dreams leave the ship\'s mast, and slide into the sparkling ocean of love, only to destroy more hearts.

I watch my body falling beneath the windowsill I listen to the wind rush by everything else is still I watch as I take the pills so many of them there are I swallow them all one by one death surely isn\'t far I watch as I find the blade that will sever my pulsing veins the blood stains the beige carpet it flows heavier than rain I watch as I tie the rope from which I will dangle I watch as my lungs slow down as I am steadily strangled I watch as I close my eyes and step out onto the highway the cars are flying fast there is nothing more to say

How do you explain What doesn\'t come in words The english we have sucks It cannot describe or be heard We can approximate And give a rough guess At what words we should use To illustrate more or less Last night I was buzzing I was filled with a heavenly spirit Yet while filled with such blessing I couldn\'t describe anything near it I can become so frustrated When the images in my mind Cannot be shared with others Due to the words I cannot find

there is no path out of this misery I have been searching for years but now I have given up on my eyes now I realise I don\'t deserve an escape this misery is not something to be lifted but something I must appreciate in depth when the pain seems to be looming over me I sometimes search for a gap in the clouds but now I know I don\'t deserve to look up I hate myself with such a wild passion that this pain does not appear unfair nor does it seem like suffering this pain is both fierce and grey it stabs at every point on my body making me want to crawl away to solitude the pain is also overwhelmingly perfect and because of this

I fall, stumbling, I see the grey ending Tears create puddles, basins welling beneath my windowsill. Thunder strikes my mind, I fall, stumbling, Cannot see clearly my surroundings, just grey. The clouds overlap, no break for miles. Just grey. I cry, unable to ease the flow. The drain rumbles blow, I crouch, nothing, just grey. The water is still, the sky roars. The trees thrash in the wind, but I am still, my eyes grey. I see myself, I fall, stumbling.

I have my case of tools all ready to go I waltz out the door and kiss my wife I nurse my baby girl before I leave Must leave quick to avoid getting into strife I arrive two minutes past my due time I hear my name called over the speaker I am called to the managers office I can feel my knees grow weaker and weaker I can't afford to lose this job, please no We are barely surviving please don't fire me My baby needs nappies and food as well Why can't this lateness he just oversee? I was just trying to not miss out on life The moments when you see why we're here I just didn't want to miss out on her life I don't want her to grow up

unrelenting, the crushed moments rip into my side, and all over my body. tears are not welcome, no one can see I'm falling, they can't. dribbling steps take me along, further into the painful guilt, the guilt I deserve. there is no reason to search, not anymore, not now. watching the leaves run through my hand, where am I heading, I feel like disappearing. I want someone to yell at me, to scream my disgrace, it's all I know. now is the time, the time I never embraced, the time that's cut the final thread.